Dating in North America vs. EuropeAlthough I have spent the last 16 years in two long-term relationships with an American and an Italian, there have been intermittent periods of dating in two international metropolises—New York and Rome. I have also experienced the grey area of accepting dates from Europeans living in America, that provided the best of both worlds. Many stories of relocation have common threads in which people from all walks of life leave their childhood home and start anew in a big city for personal and professional goals and fulfillment. This can be true from someone who has picked up and taken off from the American Midwest or migrated from southern to central Italy. However, there are some unique, funny, cultural, and outright strange differences that really impact the experience of courtship from both sides of the Atlantic. The next time a date is offered and accepted, here are some things to consider…. European men take great pride in dressing up and being well-groomed for a date.
European girl: A European girl is more likely to let you decide where you want to take her out for dinner. American girl: She might suggest to meet up directly at the restaurant. It's your first date, she's not comfortable with you coming to pick her up.
American girl: She might suggest to share a plate If she's hungry, she won't care what you think of her eating preferences.
European girl: She will most probably opt for something light, like a salad. Alternatively, a European girl can ask you to pick something for her. If she likes you, she can totally say something like, "I really like you, you're a lot of fun. European girl: A European girl prefers to be mysterious and not talk about the way she feels about you. You will have to solve her like a puzzle. American girl: She doesn't mind a few glasses of wine that can potentially turn into tequila shots and sake bombs.
You can go to a party every weekend but only hang out with the same comfortable social circle, and maybe one or two of their work colleagues. Rituals are great. Its so much easier to understand people when they are all responding differently to the same ritual.
Gives you a point of contrast. They also force you to do things that may not be your default. Like dancing is often part of a ritual wedding, club, etc. I'm glad I get forced to do it, otherwise I might not ever be self-inclined. And even if I was, the social structures to support the motivation may not be accessible Dancing by yourself sucks without rituals.
I feel the same way about dating. In America, there is a ritual of dating. So it forces me to go out and date. I'm better for it, cause I meet a lot more people that way as you were saying. Umm, I feel there's a lot there and the one point would be 'dating' for Americans and 'socializing' for Europeans.
But then every other person has said that in this thread. I was trying to give details of that. Maybe later I'll extract some good points. Why don't you watch the Dan Savage video link in comment.
He's more interesting than me. Not on topic, but you'll get a quick point of analysis. I assume thats what you're looking for in TL;DR? It includes insights such as: American dating is more like 'I want to fuck you so let's go to a dinner to see if I'm not repulsed by your personality', while European is more like 'Let's be friends, who knows - maybe we'll eventually sleep with each other.
This is how I got together with my boyfriend, it's pretty typical of what my friends and I do Europe : I met him through a friend. We socialised as a group, I liked him and made extra effort to talk to him.
We saw each other more in the same social setting. He invited me out to a nightclub with some friends, while there he kissed me.
10 Differences Between Dating American And European Men
Then we were exclusively an item. No asking out on a "date". No awkwardness of what to wear, who pays, how far to go or how long until he should call. No building up of going for coffee then lunch then dinner. How are we supposed to know when we've finished just dating and are now together? Also, he was the only guy on my radar and he was only interested in me. I might be unusual in this. I can't imagine fancying more than one guy at any one time, or not knowing after a few hours if I'd want a relationship with him.
Difference between dating in europe and america
American here. I'm kind of shocked and amazed by this whole topic. I didn't think I lived under a rock, but now I'm not so sure. I'm happily married, and I consider myself to have had a fairly normal string of relationships prior to that.
At the time, I called it "dating", but it was definitely more like what you described with mutual friends, nightclub, then exclusivity. But reading all these comments is baffling, like the whole coffee-then-lunch-then-dinner progression. People actually do that?? I guess they must And definitely not fun. That works as long as you are in the same group of friends and can more or less subtly control how long and often you see the other person.
As most of the relationships here in germany come from knowing each other through friends, that is no problem. But if you like a person without being "connected", you have to do an extra effort to meet her and talk to her and so on, and in that case you will have to ask her out and then it is a date.
It might not be as formal, but most of the unwritten rules still apply more or less. Also, if you go to a concert or something big like that, it's often with a group. I went once with a girl and her cousin, but it was absolutely a date - our first in fact, even though we had hung out several times in other capacities.
This story sounds about right. Only, I don't think you're considered an item right after the first kiss. It usually takes a couple of these random events and a couple or planned "meetings". I don't know one way or the other, but this is reddit, so I can assure you that it is much better in Europe.
Dude seriously? You think someone "won" the war? Think about what you are saying and what causes you to think that way. And ze French totally saved your ass during the revolution. How does it feel? You got military help from the French. If all I knew about Europe was how it was portrayed on Reddit, I would think that there is no poverty, crime, that all universities are free, that all of the politicians are reasonable, there is no racism, and everyone is happy. I once asked an American girl if she wanted to join me and my friends for hiking near our city in Austria, her answer was that, it appeared I'm asking her out for a date and she was not interested.
For the most part American guys rarely invite girls out to do things without the whole thing being a pre-date.
Aug 16, - One big difference between dating in the US and Europe is the preponderance of the automobile in the US. In the US, you're often able to drive beginning at age I'm told that "dating" doesn't exist in Europe, how do you get. Jul 23, - A friend of mine, a fellow European, summarized how relationships on From my experience at an American university, I understand that dating in the So why does this difference even exist, or is it just a slightly different. Aug 25, - European men and women don't typically define themselves by their careers in the way lots of Americans do. Thus, their first date conversations are more likely to focus on their interests, culture or places they've traveled, as opposed to what they do for work.
Halfway attractive girls learn this one early on. They learn to read any invite out to do stuff as a prelude to dating. They learn not to hang out with guys they aren't interested in going out with because, invariably, the guys either make a move that grosses them out or he sits around petulantly moping in the friend zone like a wet dog. It's sad really. At least you were being nice to the retarded. Maybe you just have a I want to rape you face and she was scared to go out into the woods with you.
I knew it. I go to Illinois a lot for work. About 2 - 3 months a year. With the exception of Chicago, it all sucks, and the people there agree. I also haven't met anyone who has claimed to prefer Illinois over ape. Unless someone has been in both continents at a young age, it's impossible to get a non-biased answer really. I have But you're not going to get a useful comment out of me either. Mind you, both Euro-dating and US-dating confuses the bejesus out of me.
I think both have advantages and disadvantages.
The US way of doing things is a lot more mercenary and straightforward, but a total fucking chore if you don't get a kick out of the whole intricate "job interview for the position of potential sexual partner" dance. The Euro way is a lot more laid back and low-pressure but can take a lot longer, and is more likely to send some poor sod into the cursed land of "friendsville". The US method is probably a lot kinder when one person wants out and the other doesn't.
Welcome to Reddit. You seem to have grokked the concept well, in picking your new user name. I've read through all of the comments so far and I can't believe no one is disagreeing with the stereotypes about American dates. Neither I nor any of my friends that I know of have gone on a TV-style American date where you "ask someone out" and then go "pick her up at 6. All of the descriptions about of the "continental" style of hanging out socially and then possibly turning into a relationship are the only thing I've ever seen in America as well.
Maybe that's biased based on the kinds of social circles I'm in, but at least it's a counter-example that not everyone in America does TV-style formal dates. I really had no idea anyone did until reading this thread What, you mean huge generalizations, tv references, and things I read on the internet don't perfectly describe an incredibly vague thing called dating.
Why I never. But what we do have is: you know a girl you like and at some point you ask her out for a coffee, drink, dinner or whatever - to me thats going on a date. So basically the girl has to be in your social circle. You and others have said this and it makes me think that Europe is very cliquey.
Often they are either in your social circle or at work, but random people works too. If you meet someone you like at a pub you don't immediately ask them out, you start getting to know them there and then. Then perhaps you'll invite them and their friends to a party, or you'll both make a point of going back to the same place or meeting at some upcoming event.
It's generally more common to engineer your social lives to collide again than to formally arrange a one-on-one date.
You generally wouldn't go up to a stange woman at a bar, have a brief chat, get their number and then go back to your friends. I find that most of my relationships start by me physcialy engaging with a girl randomly, and it either blossoms from there, or it was just a one time deal.
Which is solely based on how I feel about the girl. The only time I've checked my boyfriend's phone is to find out what time it was, and that's all I ever plan to do. I've seen the simple question cause huge fights, so I'd say it's just as taboo here as it is there.
I like France just because there is so much smoking. I bet smokers don't get harassed by the crazy anti-smoking radicals that try to lecture you and fight you just for smoking.
I can tell you that in Spain it's very easy going. The idea of a date doesn't really exist. It's very informal and asking a girl to meet up for a drink is very normal, the usually say yes.
I have a feeling New York isn't actually representative of the whole nation of the US. New York might be, uhh, one of the biggest cities in the world, the financial center, and a really stressful high paced atmosphere. Just saying. In France, the words "dating, to date, a date, etc. Most people here go straight from being friends to being in a relationship. The courtship either happens very quickly or it happens in a group setting where there is less pressure. I feel like dating allows you to get to know each other in a "can this lead somewhere" situation, but the pressure can sometimes make people awkward.
I think the group setting exerts more pressure, at least to stay together. Because everyone 'sees', so people are less likely to break up. Is that right? Before answering, full disclosure: I'm not French American here but have lived in France for 4 years. I also have lived with French people the entire time somethings so I think I've gotten a good perspective on it. So take my opinion knowing that it's from an American immersed in French culture and not a full-fledged Frenchie.
With that out of the way I don't think French people are less likely to break up because everyone "sees. Example: I have been invited to events dinners, parties, etc. Most French people will have another relationship lined up before they leave their current one for fear of being single. There's no culture of "Single and proud of it. But yes, there is of course the teasing that can come about in a group setting where everyone else knows the two like each other, etc.
I had never thought about the negative stigma attached to being single in France, but now you mention it that's probably true. However :. That's a bit over-generalizing, I think people do this everywhere.
Or maybe mostly in Latin countries, but that's a lot of people. Dating is such a loaded word. It means something different to everybody. Its like defining 'working hard' - what I consider working hard can be very different from what you consider working hard. Dating is defined in Wikipedia as a form of courtship; or act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity.
According to that definition there really is no difference in dating. So I think first we need to come up with a group definition of "What is dating? I personally remember asking this questions when I first moved to North America for high school.
I remember being frustrated and not being able to get a unanimous response. After a while I just left it at that, and did whatever made me happy. Sometimes that means one night stands with someone you met at a bar, sometimes asking a girl our for dinner and a movie, sometimes coffee.
It really depends on the situation and what is comfortable for everybody. This has been the same whether I've been in NA or Europe where i spend about half my time these days.American Girls vs European Girls - How Do They Compare?
To me 'dating' is essentially being in a exclusive relationship. Until that stage happens we're just "fucking around, trying to figure shit out". And that seems to be generally what all my peers Male of Female consider 'dating' to be. I'm early twenties, male, Ontario right now anyway if that helps people get a clearer picture.
I also hate the generalization in this thread of how soon people get into relationships in different countries. Sometimes I start dating a girl after a couple weeks of seeing her cause there was just that connection; sometimes it takes much longer, cause other things came up, and the opportunity for that spark took longer to develop.
Or more importantly, we might both want different things from an exclusive relationship; or at other times no relationship at all. And I've never exclusively seen anybody, or was under the assumption she was exclusively seeing me, until we had both agreed on it.
And at that point it would be 'dating'. TL;DR - I'm early twenties male, live in both continents - consider dating to be when I start seeing someone exclusively. However, to completely answer this question, I feel dating needs to be more clearly defined. Does anyone under 40 still "date"?
I live in America and have always thought it was just an antiquated term or something to progress bad movie plots. You can't just say dating in Europe. In the EU alone we're 27 different countries with different cultures, languages and traditions. And even within those countries there's even more regional and ethnic differences.
In my small country of Denmark with five million inhabitants we have tons of regional differences, different dialects and traditions. Sometimes I get the feeling that some Americans don't understand that the differences between European countries are vastly bigger than the differences between US states.
Not that I disagree, but it's a similar story here. Beyond speaking english and obsessing over wealth, there's not a lot binding us together. Could be wrong though! Even if you think that the 50 states and the territories of the US have exactly the same culture, you're forgetting about the 2nd biggest country in the world hint: it's not China. The cultural differences between Canada and any US State are really no greater than those between the individual states themselves.
I know America is not just a monolithic entity. It's just that this America vs. Europe thing does usually come from Americans, and less often from Europeans, probably because Europeans don't see Europe as one thing, while Americans are more likely to see America and Europe as one thing. It's more cultural than an actual objective reality.
It's just the way we're used to think about ourselves. It totally depends on the situation, I actually find it awkward to invite someone I don't know that well to a formal dinner. McD is an excellent place although normally I would suggest a brasserie instead to get to know each other better first. I suppose the closest thing that comes to dating here is asking someone to catch a movie, but thats considered quite juvenile.
On a date in America, look at your date and add pounds to their figure and thats what you will be with in 10 years. In London after pounds in beer for you and your date, you dont care what they will look like in 10 years.
USA vs. Europe: Dating
Edit: Up then down on this one, so let me give some context. I live in Europe and was raised in America. I remember thinking as a child that when I grow up I will get fat. I thought this is what growing up meant because every adult I knew was fat. This whole thread has enlightened me. I am in the UK and somewhat useless with females, and so have never been on a "date" or anything like what fellow Europeans have described.
Although I guess this doesn't help with being useless with women, it does alleviate some of the pressure of expecting everything to be rather formal. In Germany where I live things "just happen".
Remember this is not an absolute truth but rather a general principle. Edit: Of course there will come a time you have to go on a date: nur wir beide - only us two. But because you know each other a little, you should already know you're getting a yes for an answer. Maybe the germans are more afraid of rejection But I don't know if that's really true. As a french, I'm more inclined to take the direct route. Then, if you don't define things as being "not serious" you are in a relationship.
That's how it happened with my current german girlfriend. The common conception of american dating, is that is has a lot more of social rules. Like there are rules about how much the dinner should cost and to what you are "entitled" afterwards. Is that true? Dating varies so much for each person. My previous living situation was with three female friends in the US, and I'm a guy. It was very interesting to see how each of them approached dating.
One of my roommates always got asked on dates. It was like every day was an episode of a dating sitcom for her - a random guy in public would ask her out about once a week. Another roommate was in a long-term, long distance relationship. The other roommate was the European type, she dated people she got to know in social situations.
Just like to clarify that the reason people calling it a 'date' is because you plan a specific 'date', not always because they would like to be 'dating'. In Switzerland back in the early 'sI took a colleague out for Chinese cause I wanted someone to spend the evening with and she gave me googley eyes the whole evening.
We didn't that evening, but she made it clear that she would have if we had gone "there". Why the difference? In Switzerland dinner was circa CHF I don't date either. And I've never ever picked up a girl for a "date"-like appointment with my car, it's very surreal to see Americans on MTV parking on the driveway and ringing the doorbell to go out with a girl :.
Date usually involves driving around in my giant monster truck, drinking PBRs and smoking weed. We then go over to my cousin's house and he demonstrates his new karate moves he learned on Soul Kaliber!
Chicks dig that. His wife my other cousin usually cooks us some grits mixed with frito lays and we drink Jack Daniels. Then I usually take my new honey down to the local bowling alley and we drink some more and play a few games.
I usually impress her by how many strikes I get in a row. If she doesn't then I kick her out and make her walk home. Usually, she'll cry and we come to an agreement. If she's cool, then we'll make plans for a second date, which will involve going to shooting range and shooting off a few thousand rounds of ammo Sometimes I like to take a date to the French Laundry in Napa and tour the vineyards on bicycles. America: You don't believe in god? Americans, even professional, intelligent, mature adults, seem to find this juvenile practice necessary in today's world.
They still abide by rules that most sentient beings have left behind in their early teens. In Europe, we like someone, we go out with them and even gasp sleep with them on the first date instead of sigh taking their numbers, waiting a retarded amount of time to contact them so they don't seem so keen and then go on a series of dinner dates, cinema visits and dumb walks in the park before moving to the next stage by which time the average European has been laid twenty times.
I like "dumb walks in the park" and I think they are an excellent way to get to know somebody, and I prefer it to having to see the person whom I am interested in in a group context. They do not use much sweet words, therefore you can say that they flirt roughly.
Usually complimenting straight about the looks of their targeted partner. They say that the first look matters. Well European people know that and apply that to their love life. European dress more classic and formal, with a dress or a suit.
It is as if they dress for a gala or something when in truth they are only looking for dates. Meanwhile american dress more casually. Their look imply fun and a laid back relationship.
But they will still dress formal if they are going to a formal date. The chase is part of the fan. According to European people, especially the man, the chase is the biggest part of the whole game.
They love a little bit of elegant chase and throwing some challenge here and there. This is very enjoyable to them. Meanwhile Americans are more straightforward in dating. They will show that they want their targeted partner by showing it through their words and action. Americans do not like to prolong love things. Because Europe is a place with a culture that is still heavily surrounding the people, it also surround the love life of European people.
Usually the dates of European people are spent hanging around cultural and historic places which are often picturesque and romantic. On the other side we have the Americans which are more metropolitan than European people. They like to take their date to the movies or to the restaurant.
Oct 6, - Dating A European Girl VS Dating An American Girl There are, however, certain differences that I noticed, especially in the dating world. Do you know the difference between dating a European man versus an American man? If not, read up!
Something that speaks modern and big city. It is a well known fact that most European people are really passionate in romance. They are not afraid to show that passion in public.
Mar 27, - 10 Differences Between Dating American And European Men European men take great pride in dressing up and being well-groomed for a. Feb 15, - Dating in Europe and America – The Difference behavior, the dating culture and the how men approach dating in the respective places. European people, which are still heavily tied to their culture, have a great manner. They are grown by their parents to have great manners to everyone and they even carry it to the dating field. Americans often do not care about manners so they are more rough and unrefined.
That passion will also clearly show through since the first parts of the relationship. They like a little bit of privacy. These people also prefer to show their affection in public when they are sure of who they like. European are the people that likes to savor life to the bits.